Don’t Cry, Everything Will Be All Right
How often do we hear people running up to console a person grieving with, “Don’t cry? Everything will be all right.” It is true in the future things will become better, but at the present time, it hurts. It is a consuming pain that is there at bedtime and in the morning, requiring attention.
Each person deals with grieving differently. There is no right or wrong way. Seeing someone crying is common. It is not only common; it is healthy in the early stages of grieving. When one tells another not to cry, it is quite often because he or she cannot handle the person’s pain. If we wish to be supportive, all we need to do is to be present. No words are necessary.
Another person may not cry, but instead withdraw, shutting out everyone. We hear people urging, “Come on now, you got to talk and get it out.” Sharing the pain with someone would be helpful, but during this early stage, it might be impossible. The person may require time to filter his or her feelings before discussing them. We cannot force someone to talk, neither should we make the individual feel guilty for not doing so.
Besides crying and withdrawing, some individuals use humor to get through this difficult period. People witnessing this might ask, “Doesn’t he know what’s going on? That someone died.” The truth is this individual is suffering the lost as much as anyone else does, but finds humor as a good method to lessen the pain. We need this person especially during the early stages of grieving.
Whether a person should cry or not cry, withdraw or talk, be humorous or somber is up to the individual. Whatever helps the individual to cope with this sorrow is okay.